What I Struggle With As A MomSep 28, 2021
If I’m being totally honest…
As a Mom, I struggle with a lot of stuff, from trying to keep the inside of my house looking more like a living space and less like the inside of a garbage can, keeping my almost three year old and ten month old from attacking each other every five seconds, and finding time for myself and my dreams. But none of those things compare to the struggle in my head.
Can you relate to this?
I know my thoughts create, which is awesome. I know I have the power to be who I want to be. But here’s the thing, my kids are creators too. And I want them to grow up knowing how powerful they are. I want to empower them to go after their dreams.
It’s my job to keep them safe (plus I really want them safe!) Which means saying no, a lot. It means teaching them that some things are dangerous, so they don’t get hurt or lost. It means I have to squash some of their dreams, like practicing flying by jumping off of the roof or playing at the top of the stairs in the basement.
I tried no rules when my daughter was a bit younger, and all that created was chaos for everyone, including her. Imagine food being thrown everywhere, so much water being splashed out of the tub that it caused minor floods in the basement (twice!) and rolls of toilet paper strung all over the house like Christmas lights.
The truth is…
I can’t raise my kids to be unlimited creators while they’re kids. There is no way to do that and keep them safe or create a life that isn’t chaos. Because kids are born not knowing the rules. They don’t understand how the physical world works and it is our job as parents to show them the way.
When I first became a Mom, I wanted to be perfect.
I wanted to do so much better than my parents. Even though I knew they tried the best they knew how, I still felt super screwed up inside! I’ve done the work to heal my past, and I didn’t want my children to have to heal their past.
But a lot of self reflection has shown me this truth: I’ve become a strong woman because I had a past to heal. This was such a huge realization for me. If I had had the perfect upbringing, I would never have needed to become the person I am today.
And so I now know the greatest gift I can give my kids and myself is to loosen up! I don’t have to be the perfect Mom, and even if I was, I’d be doing my children a disservice. Instead, I intend every day to be the best Mom that it’s humanly and realistically possible for me to be, and I don’t beat myself up when I make mistakes.
I think it was the guilt of not being perfect that was hardest in the beginning. Taking that pressure off myself has been life changing.
Yes, there’s crayon all over the wall and the carpet is full of blueberry stains. Yes, I tell my children no a lot. When we go to the store, I no longer let them throw whatever they want in the cart. Now I say no, because the truth is, no, we do not need another plastic piece of junk that they’ll pay attention to for five seconds. We already have an entire house and basement full of that stuff.
The cool thing is, they didn’t really mind once I set that boundary. They barely wine or say anything when we’re at the store. If they ask for something, we start talking about something they have that they love. I shift the focus onto gratitude for what they do have. This is working really well, even though they’re so little.
My children are happy and healthy, their creativity is flourishing, and the coolest thing is, we communicate. I never silence their voices. I listen to their feelings, their wants and their desires. I remember they’re Source, too, just like me and you. And it is the coolest thing to raise kids this way.
Now, when Grandma tries to tell my daughter that she’s ok and nothing’s wrong, even though she’s upset. I cringe a bit, and understand why I was so unhappy as a child. I never had a voice. I was always told I was wrong and nothing was wrong. I should just shut up and act happy.
I’ll never do this to my kids, and I think it’s an excellent start to breaking some major ancestral patterns. What ancestral patterns do you want to break for your kids? Let me know in the comments below! And if you’d like to take action and break those patterns for good over the next six weeks, join me inside Unlimited You.